An Alternative Universe

This is one of those experiences that had made me feel as if I have stepped into an alternative universe.  Everything is so very similar, yet it feels so strikingly different.  And add to that, my continued deep understanding that this is an opportunity, a place of shift for me, I really am feeling the alternate universe sensation, as I notice shifts within my self.

On a lighter side though, it has to be an alternate universe when during my pre-op visit we end up talking about living vegan, gay marriage and real opinions about different medical choices, as opposed to what "the book" or "the doctor" says.  How does this happen?  Laura and I keep getting guided into situations, with people that completely accept who we are, not just the marriage part, or our earthy-crunchiness, more esoterically we are finding ourselves and our responses to this experience to be accepted, even welcomed by those around us.

Perhaps it is just the story in my head. The story that says it has to be hard, and that people don't understand me or my life.  In recent history I don't even have massive experience of that story, yet is simply so prevalent, so powerful, the group consciousness.  Some of the stories are:

• From a holistic life standpoint, I need to fear the "all knowing" allopathic medical folks.  
• From an allopathic (conventional/western) medicine standpoint, I need to fear the hokey, uninformed, alternative medicine practitioners
• From a presence standpoint I need to fear those who are just in their heads.
• As a woman, I need to fear my breasts, and anticipate breast cancer at every moment.
• As someone who is having the experience of cancer in her breast, I need to fear death, lose my hair, puke, suffer, battle, fight back, and surrender to what allopathic medical science thinks is best.

I need not expand that list further, you can fill in your own additional "stories" quite easily I suspect.

What I am discovering in this alternative universe is that those stories have less power, they are misty, transparent, less real.  That on a moment to moment basis I am accepted and accepting and that my experience gets to be exactly what I need it to be.  My choices are being honored and my opinions and deep knowings about my body are respected.

Now, I can take this another step deeper.  Because I do know that the universe reflects back to me what I give it.  Perhaps in this experience I am finding a deeper acceptance for myself and a broader understanding of who I am and what it means to be Amelia in this world at this time.

And, no matter what comes of it, I am deeply grateful for this new world I am living in today.  I am blessed.

As, I write that, some scared voices in my head popped up - you are having surgery on Monday Amelia - - danger - - danger!! That is just a story though, certainly there are risks, yet surgery is my choice and my desire.  Surgery is an opportunity.  Dr. Drogula will be doing me a wonderful service, this is modern day shamanism.  She will be opening my body and removing something that I no longer need.   Within that group of cells, tissue, blood and lymph I am storing (hmm.... storing:-) all the stuff, feelings, memories, voices, STORIES, toxins, pain, hurt, anger and fear that I don't need.  I will be letting it all go, allowing and welcoming the excision of that from my body.

In middle world it is cancer, it is a group of cells that have lost their reference point, their anchor.  I my broader life, my soul experience, this is a shift to an alternative universe. 

Oh, and I got that pedicure, soft soothing green toes!

Blessings to you all,

Amelia