Tears and Fears

Dear Ones,
It's taken me a bit if time to write this update. We have been reeling from the pathology report that arrived late Friday afternoon.

The news was completely unexpected and Dr. Drogula was clearly surprised and not happy with the report.

First good- tumor removed, it was 1.6cm with clean margins.

Concerns in sentinel nodes. Both were positive and the cancer cells were spilling into the surrounding tissue. They are considered lymphatically active and a much more aggressive treatment plan is being suggested.

First, another surgery for the full axillary dissection within the next two weeks.

Then full breast and axillary radiation is recommended, which is in addition to the dissection and creates a really high concern for lymphedema.

Also, because of how much different this cancer is appearing with this report, chemo is recommended for a systemic treatment- that would happen as soon as I recover from the second surgery, where a port would be placed for it's administration.

Wednesday Dr. Drogula will discuss my case at their Multi-disciplinary conference with all the other oncology specialists. That will provide additional insight and confirmation I suspect from their point of view.

She expressed her own personal concern and reiterated how much more aggressively they are going to want to treat this because I am young and because the pathology is so different from what was expected.

My first step is for a PET/CT scan. While the story is to get a baseline and for the vast majority that is all it is for, let's be honest, we are also looking for metastasis.

Monday the scan as well as my next surgery will be scheduled.

And BTW, I am not questioning choices. The thought of a second surgery makes me want to puke, and we had very different info last Monday and I made the best choice for me, in not getting the axillary dissection.

Laura and I are collecting our questions for the docs and will be seeking second opinions for continued treatment. It seems the focus has shifted from my breast to my lymph system and the cancer's potential for travel.

I'm feeling pretty dizzy from the reeling sensation that arrived with this news. There have been many tears shed and fears that crept up out of the dark.

There will be a lot of information gathered and plans to be made this week. I will need some help getting Sarah to and from camp as well, as I am really not feeling up to driving yet. My surgery from Monday is healing beautifully and it is still healing.

I continue to trust that I am exactly where I am supposed to be and I will be fully supported through this. Your love and prayers continue to be welcomed and appreciated.

And on another, more cheerful note, it seems that cooler heads have prevailed on the Bay Avenue house and closing is expected next week. So I'll have the house I have been trying to buy since March, renovations to make it livable? Not even going there yet. Simply trusting some more.

Sending big spinny hugs!
Amelia