Past Perfect, Future Trust

Dear Ones,

I am a child of many experiences, one of which is EST - Erhard Seminar Trainings.  We don't need to go too deeply into that little bee's nest, and I bring it up because at 15, I was gifted with a way of looking at things that has actually served me very well.

The concept was that I am perfect just the way I am right now.  Now, let me set things straight here, I have rarely, if ever felt perfect, no matter how hard I have tried.   Yet, the extrapolation of that concept was that everything that has happened so far in my life has led me to this moment, and to change any of it would change who I am, and who I am is perfect, just the way I am. 

So, in a broader sense, I have known that I am perfect just as I am, and that my life has been perfect.  Opportunities to question the past, regret, or brood have been short lived in my system with this knowledge.  Some regret arrives in my head, I brood a bit and suddenly realize that I wouldn't change a thing because I am really ok with who I am and that all the experiences of my life have created me.  Perfect.

Cruising along with this knowledge I found myself in a coffee hour forum a few months ago down on Sanibel Island, at St. Michael's and All Angels to be exact.  The forum was about healing ministries and was led by the deeply insightful Rev. Elizabeth Farrow.  She, like so many of us, has had her own challenges and tests and openings.  She shared beautifully how after she was ordained she became so sick that she literally could do nothing but rest and care for herself.  How frustrating that must have felt, to have worked toward a goal for so long, especially when that goal is truly a calling, and then have your body take you to a full stop.

What she brought to us that day was the concept that this experience was taking her somewhere, and that she trusted that.  This is such a start contrast from the fear or worry that a "bad" experience is because of some error, sin, mistake or wrongdoing from the past.  Something about how Liz worded her experience and what she learned gave me a much broader view of how I can choose to experience any moment of my life.  How I can trust Spirit so much more deeply.  I can look back at so much and see how it has taken me to the next step in my journey, brought me to a new understanding, offered me a different point of view.

And I sit here now, having what our society truly believes is a "bad" experience, I have cancer, yet it is simply not taking me down that "bad" path.  I have even heard some criticism, perhaps I am being too Pollyanna, or not really aware of what is happening, or simply pretending to be positive and happy.  

Please, let me assure you, I do understand, my path may be different from many others, I love you all and however you walk your path and whatever your experiences are, I know it is perfect and leading you to where you need to go.  I know how scary, painful and traumatizing this experience can be,  I know that all outcomes might not look so good, and for many the day to day experience of cancer simply sucks.

In this moment, knowing all of that, I am finding that I am seeing these other options.  My entire life has been growing me to be exactly here right now.  And right now is perfect, and I can rest back and trust that where I land, will be exactly where I need to be.  The "Why" voice has been silenced, it is asleep.  I know why I am experiencing cancer. Simply because this experience is on my path and taking me where I need to go.

Is it because I have been working and a Lymph Drainage therapist for a few years now and have had quite a number of clients who are having the experience of breast cancer?  Could be, that would be a direct path to deeper understanding and empathy for me as a therapist.

Is it because sharing myself, being open and of this world has always been a calling and this experience is so big and so strong as to break me wide open into the world?  Who knows.

Is it because I have been working and shifting and really changing myself and how I live my life for years and all of a sudden it is time to integrate those changes on a deep cellular level, and this feeling of trust and understanding and wholeness will somehow serve the future?  Maybe.

I'll keep imagining all the amazing possibilities of where I am going, while knowing it is all perfect, and where I am going is perfect.  Thanks for checking in with me along the way.

big blessings and love,
~Amelia