Worry in the Night

Dear Ones,

For some inexplicable reason, I woke repeatedly last night and found that in those dark moments my mind easily found things to fuss and worry about. I know about worry. It is about fear and lack and it makes me miserable. I recognize it pretty quickly these days and know I want to get it transformed into another way of thinking.  Promptly.

For me, a favorite concept is that what I put my focus on grows. From this point of view - worry is essentially prayer in reverse. Or more simply, I am focusing on what I don't want instead of what I do want.

I believe our prayers are heard and answered, although Spirit is not literal and does not grant wishes like a genie in a bottle. I also believe that at all times, Spirit sees me, and us all, at our highest and best and brings me gifts and experiences that will allow me to grow and further master my time here in earth school.

So when I start down the worry path, it feels like there is far less light and space for me to see possibilities and imagine a different outcome. When worry grabs me, I am like a dog chasing her tail, round and round we go. These worry circles can become spirals, which dive deeply into fear and dark imaginings.

That fear is paralyzing. Fear can be terrifying. And this is where worry goes... Diving deeper and deeper into the unknown, picking up other triggers and bits on the way down.

Yet, worry is simply prayer in reverse. Thinking and focusing on what I don't want instead of what I do.

To bring myself back from worry and fear, I need a way to turn my thoughts around. Since I am not always so good at "Pollyanna," I can't always just shift to positive and good intentioned thought. Sometimes it is really hard to get out of the worry rut as fear grabs my hand in the dark.

What I have learned that I can do though is to preface my worry thoughts.

"Blessed Spirit please help me with... "

"Dear God I need your help as I figure out all the logistics of taking care of Sarah when I am in treatment."

"Angels, walk beside me and guide me as I step into the unknowns of my chemo-cleanse."

When I ask for help, the night lightens and my body softens. Last night must have been a quiz or something, since I got to practice this over and over.

Often it takes a few circles and loops before I realize that how I am thinking is making me miserable - that is when I come just slightly back to consciousness and can ask for help.

Any worry can have "God, Spirit, All, please help me with..." added to the front of it.

This is one of my lessons. I get to continue to remember to ask for this help.

Tonight, I ask the Blessed Goddess who watches over me to help me to remember that I can turn my worries into prayers. Let my concerns create prayers and new ways of thinking and feeling.

And Dear Goddess Spirit, let this week be gentle, see to it that Sarah is well cared for, that Laura has all that she needs as she cares for me and herself and that my body be strong and able to handle the tests and chemo-cleanse with ease.

Thanks be to All,
Amelia