My Full Body Chemo Cleanse

Dear Ones,

We have all the pieces in place at this point, and I wanted to let you all know about my treatment plan and choices.

First, you will notice that I am languaging differently again. If this makes you uncomfortable or it is hard to understand, please refer back to my intentional language post - over to the right. Our culture has a lot of beliefs and energy behind what Chemotherapy means and much of this does not serve me, while the medical treatment itself does serve me. Thus a change in wording.

This process will literally cleanse my body of about a gazillion cells, some of which I no longer need and many of which will be lost as collateral damage. That is why the body often feels so badly during chemo. So, I am about to embark on a full body chemo cleanse, which will often be shortened to cleanse. Fall and spring are the best time for a cleanse, and here I am starting on September 7th.

The cleanse is toxic to newly and fast dividing cells, and any cancer cells that are in my body will be a primary target as they are fast dividing cells. I ask that all the cancer cells and any other cells and energies that no longer serve me be released in this process. I see it as an alchemical process and the chemo will act as fire, burning off that which no longer serves me.


Oncologist and treatment will be in Philadelphia - CTCA - Cancer Treatment Centers of America, my oncologist is Dr. Willis. We really like him and his whole team a lot. What works there - they have a complete holistic team that supports the patients. Naturopaths, Nutritionists, PT/OT, Body/Mind Counselor, Acupuncturist, Massage Therapist, a mostly organic cafeteria, and a whole lot of other goodies on top of really good and aggressive western medicine. Laura and I can assemble such a team here, in fact we have all those people and will continue to consult with them. What is different is that at CTCA, they are talking to each other and interested in comparing notes and finding the best choices for each patient. We cannot make that happen here.

A favorite moment during our visit was Dr. Willis talking about how much he had learned in the last five years from working with the Naturopaths and other holistic providers. This was priceless from a highly successful, well published Oncology specialist and the head of Oncology. We also really enjoyed chatting with a few different Naturopaths and just about everyone else we ran into.

Timeline:
Chemo Cleanse day - Wednesdays

Starts September 7th
1st: Dose Dense Adriamycin/Cytoxan for four rounds, every two weeks - September and October
2nd: Taxol - four rounds every three weeks - November, December and early January

Our plan is that Laura and I will travel to Philly on Wednesday mornings, stay over one night and return on Thursdays generally. We have our schedules arranged so that we can lay low through Sunday each cleanse week. It is roughly a three hour drive to northeast Philadelphia.

Next week I have to head up a day early, because they need to do a MUGA scan to check my heart function in advance - both the Adriamycin and the Radiation can present heart risks.

February/March I will receive Radiation Therapy for five weeks on some really cool newer equipment that will cut two weeks off the process and be more accurate... more on that down the road. That is a bit more time up there as it is five days a week. We will be there Monday afternoon through Friday morning each week. My sister Polly is probably going to be able to come east to stay with Sarah during that time. She hasn't seen a real winter in over 25 years, so hopefully Maryland will be gentle, and give her one good snow storm.

Yes, lots of logistics. We are asking many friends at school to help out and provide afternoon entertainment and homework time for Sarah, as well as transportation to and from her beloved riding lessons. For me, the making sure she is taken care of, part of this, is just so important. Thankfully Kevin, Sarah's Dad, is a good friend and is close. We are working all of this into the parenting schedule we have had for years, with the hope that there will as little disruption for Sarah as possible.

Does that answer the pertinent questions? Please feel free to ask, I am happy to talk about all of this. And frankly, I am ready to get started, as the waiting and unknown are perhaps worse than the reality.

And I guess the final point I want to make here, is that this is a journey of time as well as experience. A few people have asked me if I am done yet, or such. My active treatment will not be done until March 2012. I don't need to dramatize that, it simply is time. Time that will be devoted to my healing.

And I pray that time that will also allow for my participation on my house renovation... we just got preliminary plans from my architect Joel - I'm in love with them and even more in love with the house now.

Big hugs to all my family and friends,
Amelia

Choices, Wisdom, and a Leo's Mane

my natural curls tonight

Dear Ones,

There is so much to write about, life has been as full for me as it has for everyone else, I'm sure. These have been my rest and get organized weeks.  Nowhere on my to-do list was Earthquake or Hurricane!  And we fared well through it all, were only without power for a short time, a blessing I truly appreciate.

Tonight though, I simply want to share what happens tomorrow.  I am going to get my hair cut short.  From what I understand, this is smart for a number of reasons.  Less upsetting when it does start falling out, less painful - long hair can actually hurt when it starts falling out, and it will give me the chance to start adjusting to much shorter hair.

And smart this may be, full of wisdom and foresight, yet here I find another wall of grief.

I am a Leo, a lioness (ok in the wild lionesses don't have manes, in humans they do), and I love my hair.  Hair is a fashion accessory, something I truly learned from my dear friend Kat.  Hair is fun, it can change color and shape, it is beautiful and a good hair day for me, is a wonderful thing. I have just recently begun to enjoy my hair curly again, it has been feeling very authentic and now it is going away.  While I have had short hair before, now I am looking toward bald - this is really different.

It will be weeks before that reality, I know.  And right now, it is all sinking in. The treatment I am stepping into will have side effects that are pretty extreme.  And I am welcoming it, allowing it, letting it move through me.

And yes, Laura and I deeply considered the options and I have made a choice about Oncologist and treatment plan. I'll write about that more in a bit.  Tonight, some parting love to my locks.

I will be saving my curls, they are powerful and full of my essence. I am not sure how I will use them in ceremony, and I am keeping them for that.  This whole experience is a lesson, a gift of alchemy, and the alchemy and transformation of my hair - this outward expression of my self is big.

My ego, sense of self and just a bit of pride are all associated with my appearance, and my hair is such an integral part of that.  I am moving into unknown territory, and I am simply unsure of how it will be.  Lots of reassurance comes in, and what will it feel like, late at night, looking in the mirror? Just me with me. I feel fragile when I think of that.  I worry a bit.  I turn the worry into prayers as much as I can and ask for help, and this is a looming unknown and that is uncomfortable.

I'll keep you all posted, let you know how it feels.  I have gone wig shopping, Laura and I picked out a wonderful look.... I am going to keep that under wraps for a bit though - suspense perhaps, or just one step at a time... I'm not sure.

And just think... for many friends it will be the first time you all will get to see my tattoo...

Some variations on Amelia's mane

Blessings to you all, and all the bits of you that feel beautiful!

~Amelia

Chickpea to Cook

by Rumi

A chickpea leaps almost over the rim of the pot where it's being boiled.

"Why are you doing this to me?"

The cook knocks him down with the ladle.

"Don't you try to jump out.
You think I'm torturing you.
I'm giving you flavor,
so you can mix with spices and rice
and be the lovely vitality of a human being.

Remember when you drank rain in the garden.
That was for this."

Grace first.  Sexual pleasure,
then a boiling new life beings,
and the Friend has something good to eat.

Eventually the chickpea
will say to the cook,
"Boil me some more.
Hit me with the skimming spoon.
I can't do this by myself.

I'm like an elephant that dreams of gardens
back in Hindustan and doesn't pay attention
to his driver.  You're my cook, my driver,
my way into existence.  I love your cooking."

The cook says,
"I was once like you, fresh from the ground.  

Then I boiled in time, and boiled in the body, 

two fierce boilings.

My animal soul grew powerful.
I controlled it with practices,
and boiled some more, and boiled
once beyond that,
and became your teacher."

Thank you spirit for this gift today, and
thank you to my guides and helpers as the process unfolds.
I await and allow the wisdom and the
knowing as it is to arrive to me.
~Amelia

New Title and Some Delights

Dear Ones,


I have given the blog a slightly new title:
An opportunity for Amelia to share the experience of a breast cancer as she journeys with it - as well as tidbits of life beyond and around and within that experience.

Lily in our bedroom window

Yes, I must acknowledge that my original title to the blog is no longer complete.  Back when this was a lumpectomy with a bit 'o radiation, I was going to be able to "walk through it this summer," and now.... well we know it is going to take longer than this summer.  It will be March before I am finished with active treatment.  And so it is.

The last few days have been a delightful change of pace and for that I am entirely grateful.

First, let me report to you all that my landlord has generously offered us the opportunity to stay in our wonderful temporary rental for the next 6-8 months as I get through treatment.  THANK YOU KAREN! This was supposed to just be the summer, and looking about for alternatives wasn't turning up much.  This is such a delightful, grace-filled home, really a healing place for me, Sarah gets a stable spot from which to start school, Laura gets to kayak and enjoy the new experience of living on the water and Lily loves the napping spot in the picture above.

Beyond that, after last week's visit to CTCA, we have been able to relax and breathe a bit.  Laura and I realized that this past weekend was the first time in two months that we simply could relax.  No surgery to prepare for or heal from, no current treatment, we have had the chance to simply live and do normal things.  I have healed up enough from all of the surgeries to be out and about, I drove for the first time in over a month, and doing normal things feels so good.

I am very conscious of maintaining my separate identity as Amelia.  The person who is receiving treatment for cancer is part of who Amelia is, however it is not all of who I am. So, getting to drive around on my own recognizance, meeting the architect at the new house, going out to dinner with Mom and Sarah, nice simple normal pleasures.  It is nice to sink into a place where the cancer treatment is not ALL of my experience.

Oh what a beautiful morning... oh what a beautiful day... I've got...

There are many other delights, like this incredible weather we have enjoyed and the blessing of an earthquake that shook us up, yet left the us relatively unscathed.  I have straightened the pretties and cleaned up the flour in the pantry, and was able to hold Sarah during the earthquake, so all good.  The facebooking and texting afterwards was quite amusing, but important.  I am thankful that I am able to sink in and check in with loved ones at a distance, so knew Laura was ok at the office.

Enjoy this beautiful day, get out and make some Vitamin D.   We are going to run up to Second Chance in Baltimore and consider some good reuse options for the new house.  And that is FUN for my system!


Much Love to you all,
Amelia

Philly Visit - Another Treatment plan

Dear Ones,

After three days we have made it to the fifth floor of CTCA (we took the elevator). This afternoon we will get a proposed treatment plan from the Oncologist as well as second visits with Naturopath and Nutritionist and a first visit with PT/OT. We have already met with many nurses, an Internist, Naturopath and Nutritionist, Genetic Counselor, Radiation Oncologist (who we have invited to stay with us for the Sailboat show), a Pastoral Counselor as well as a top notch Mind-Body Doc. It has been a busy 3 days. And there are Acupuncturists and Massage Therapists on staff as well.

The team here at CTCA is impressive. All the Docs and medical folks have been interested and interesting. We have asked a couple hundred questions and gotten answers.

This morning, as we were leaving our appointment, we asked the Radiation Oncologist another quick question and he took us back in the room and spent another 10 minutes drawing diagrams to detail the answers. Yea, we kept asking questions:-)

We have had many opportunities to model our health and lifestyle choices to open minded and welcoming people.

So, so far so good. We were referred here by my local Naturopath and am pleased that we have invested the time to visit.

Laura and I absolutely have the ability to assemble such a team in Annapolis. The difference is that here my team is going to sit down and actually communicate with each another, AND the medical docs respect and desire the input of the holistic medicine part of the team.

The actual logistics of getting treatment here seem manageable, so we will see what today brings and I will make my treatment choices next week after one more visit to a local Oncologist.

It is such an interesting world and I am heartened that there are places where a genuine effort has been made to cross the divides between allopathic and holistic medicine as well as between body - mind - spirit in such a way to embrace a much broader view of healing and medicine.

Love and blessings,
Amelia

On Knitting and Receiving

Dear Ones,

Sunday afternoon a friend stopped by with a wonderful gift. While Jane is certainly the ringleader on such things, she was only a part of the creation of my new treasure.

Prayer Shawl

This is the beautiful prayer shawl that was gifted to me. In the tradition of the St. Margaret's Church Prayer Shawl Ministry, when they are able, many hands will join in the knitting. This shawl is filled with love and prayers, it is warm and loving and is a delight to touch. It is green, soft and deep, yet it is also a rainbow of colors I adore. I can feel all the hands and hearts that have contributed to this gift and I am so grateful.

Years ago, I knit a shawl for myself during a wonderful workshop, the kind of workshop where you find you love everyone in the room and share deeply with one-another. At the end of the workshop I passed the shawl around and asked for everyone's blessing on it, as it had been a subject of interest for our days together. One deeply intuitive gentleman, a Reiki Master actually, was not in the room at the time. When he returned, he had no idea why the shawl was handed to him. I was nearby and was awed by his response to it. "Everyone in the circle is in this shawl, I can feel their love and presence." While unaware of the process, he clearly felt the result.

That is how my prayer shawl feels to me. Filled with love, caring and compassion. It was created by a group that I love at a church that I love. And I can feel their faith as well as all our deeper faiths and trusts.

I have knit a number of prayer shawls myself, knitting love and prayers into each stitch, it is a lovely meditative task that I know brings untold peace and comfort to the recipient. I am now a recipient, that fact in itself still strikes me with shock and wonder at times. How, huh, what happened, where did life as I knew it go?

And I am the blessed recipient of this shawl, because my journey has taken me into one of those dark spaces of life. I have faced and continue to face unexpected and unbidden challenges to my health, as well as heart and psyche. I am part of a community that cares about such things and responds, and for that I am deeply blessed. Not that I always know how to receive these blessings! And I will again sit back and let it in, knowing that I am loved and cared for in ways I need not imagine or understand.

Yet here is another actual soft, yet solid real object of this middle world to touch and to hold that reminds me of such love and Spirit's love which transcends it all.

Thank you to all of St. Margaret's Church, I am blessed to be a part of this community of God.

Amelia

The Accompanying Prayer:

We pray that God's grace be upon this shawl
Warming, comforting, enfolding and embracing.

May it be a safe haven-
A sacred place of security and well-being
sustaining and embracing.

May you be cradled in hope,
kept in joy,
graced with peace,
and wrapped in love,
Amen

Freight Trains Beget More Freight Trains

Dear Ones,

We have learned over the last couple of months that this process could often feel like we were riding on a freight train going full speed ahead. And that freight trains beget more freight trains. And that I am able to ride them at high speed and slow them down as need be.

Which means that yesterday was no surprise. I was surrounded by wonderful caretakers, yet I can't much say it was fun.

In preparation for chemo, I had to have a dental cleaning. And for that I decided I had to see a dentist I know and love and TRUST. Dr. Kelly Houlihan is that person. She is out in Salisbury, so we took the two hour ride to her office yesterday morning.

A little background. I inherited all the Toombs dental genes, which means that I have had a whole lot of dental work and have many, many root canals and crowns and a pair of bridges. I've even had an emergency root canal at sunrise on Easter morning.

So we knew yesterday would bring something that needed attention.

It brought the extraction of five teeth, by an amazing oral surgeon, Dr. Tilghman, at about 5pm and then back to the dentist. Kelly's dad, Dr. Dana Kennan, is a prosthodontist. He made me an appliance that will temporarily fill the spots of four of the five teeth. We left for home after 9pm.

Talk about letting go of what I no longer need! And cleansing and clearing.

Current dental wisdom holds that root canals are a problem. I agree. Leaving a damaged tooth in the mouth simply creates a pathway for bacteria to penetrate deeply into the bone and invites a host of future issues. I've known that this day would come and that I would move to implants. I have had a heck of a time finding a dentist and an oral surgeon that I truly trusted. Without that trust, I have been unable to step into such extremes of pulling multiple teeth, temps, and implants. All the while knowing the risk of abscess, bone loss, etc. was increasing.

So, when we looked at the pics yesterday, there were five teeth that Drs. Kelly and Dana were very concerned about. With a diminished immune system due to chemo, they held big risks for abscess.

We were able to take care of it as Spirit had arranged the oral surgeon and assistants were able to stay late to do the work that needed to all happen last night, because Dr. Dana is leaving on vacation. So that was my one chance to get him to sculpt me some beautiful temporary teeth, and suffice to say, that was cosmetically Very Important.

Riding this freight train was pretty amazing again too. At times, there was so much going on that I didn't even get all the information. Laura was always completely filled in though. She stayed beside me for all of it; she held my feet during all of the procedures. I am personally in awe of how she was able to stand at my feet through the extractions. In sacred space Laura held the cord that kept me connected to my body. That allowed me to float out to manage the pain and powerful sensations. I can't count how many vials of local the doc used, and know even that would not have been enough without her steady presence. My fear and vanity really thought that she shouldn't see me like that, and my need for connection and to be held overtook that promptly. I am blessed to be able to receive such presence.

My body is back in deep physical healing mode again. I have been given the opportunity to release all sorts of gunk as well as vanities. And something else that got put aside in my life, for many reasons, has begun to be taken care of.

Teeth and mouth are such important parts of our body and life, and mine feel significantly healthier already. The load that I was carrying with those unhealthy teeth has been removed. The doc got each out cleanly and intact.

I kept the teeth; they will become an offering, along with my hair someday soon. An offering of release, an offering of praise, an offering of gratitude for another seemingly freight train of a situation that got me quickly and gracefully to exactly where I need to be.

Another blessing, along with all the Angels that cared for me yesterday.

On a practical note, implants will go in after chemo and liquids only for me for a couple of days- seedless smoothie and simple soup ideas are welcome.

Much love,
Amelia

Extreme Makeover

OK Friends,

A long shot here and a local company is looking for a family and a house that deserves a makeover.

If you've been following my blog, you know I have the house for that and would love to be part of the makeover.  I don't want to overplay the "cancer" story, and for goodness sakes, we've got a story here if nothing else.  And, because of the cancer treatments, I am unable to work for awhile and some of my renovation money is going to keep a rental roof over our heads.

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150262260945003.337772.124681395002
Please email info@thefusioncompanies to nominate a family or to volunteer.

I've never asked for such a thing, seems strange, yet.... I do have the perfect house just begging for a complete makeover.  I've been planning a green makeover of course:-)


When you nominate someone, they ask for you to send a link.  I'd suggest the link to the blog,
ExperienceWithAView.Blogspot.com


Or a link to the specific page where I talk about buying the house:
http://experiencewithaview.blogspot.com/2011/07/on-house-buying-and-trust-in-alternate.html


A link to my website talks about who I am
www.AmeliaMitchell.com


And this is a link to some pictures of the house.
https://picasaweb.google.com/100264523672931626123/1327BayAvenueHighlandBeach?authkey=Gv1sRgCPW1laTNirq6mAE#

Love you all,
thanks for the nomination if you think it is a good idea,
hugs,
~Amelia

Adventures in Healing

Dear Ones,

Healing, is moving forward well. I feel like my body is doing really well actually. And I am so conscious of my blessing of self awareness. Why? Because if I based my expectations of healing on what I am hearing from the medical profession, I would be thinking there is really something wrong with me.

I am a vibrantly healthy person, with a big store of energy and resources that supported my body's healing from two surgeries. I move, I avoid inflammatory foods, I am on an amazing regimen of supplements and I am resting and so very well cared for.

And with all of this, apparently I should have no pain and be completely healed, back to work and ready to start chemotherapy. Huh?

Now that is not coming from everyone, yet I am drawing from expectations of an oncologist I saw on Friday as well as the handouts and conversation from the surgeon's office and hospital.

The message I am hearing and feeling from inside is so different. My body is in a place of deep healing. It has been cut open repeatedly and healthy tissue has been removed along with the cancer. I have lost a total of 15 lymph nodes and all of those lymphatic pathways are gone. Lots of healing is needed.

The area is still in shock when I check in with it. The tissue is sore, there is heat and I still have the purple glue on the recent incisions. The drain is in place helping my body release extra fluid so my newly compromised system isn't overloaded, which means I still have a hole in my side.

There is pain and discomfort. I can imagine being in a place of disassociation, out of contact with my body, where perhaps I might not feel much pain at all. In fact, years ago, I did live in that body and was much more unconscious to pain, both physical and emotional. Not anymore, so my body is calling me to slow down and pay attention. To be gentle and patient with it. To be so loving and care for it well.

Now pain tolerance is a completely individual thing and I am sure there could be people who are very conscious and who have a higher tolerance, I don't want this to read as some sort of criticism of pain tolerance! I am simply noticing my experience is a contrast to the stated medical expectations.

I like living in my skin. The gift of knowing and my ability to move through my life and experience is so deeply informed by this skill and knowledge. I can check in and ask a question anytime.

Now, I don't always like the answer. After Thursday's surgery, I had heard by Saturday that my body was done with the narcotic pain drug. On Sunday I tried to simply reduce the dose, because I still hurt. I felt awful and dropped back to just advil for Monday. Got the message! I suspect that the pain on Sunday would have been more manageable without the dizzy, gross, drugged feeling.

This skill will also inform my search for an oncologist. I have been so happy with my surgeon, and was really shocked by the experience at the referred oncologist's office. That'll be another post.

thanks Jim

So, I am investigating and asking for referrals and allowing myself to be open and I will trust my instincts on the choice of oncologist and infusion center. Now, with my survey of one, I wonder if redesigning infusion centers to be healing places instead of dying places is a future agenda. I dearly hope that is not the case. I have to trust that there are people out there who have figured this out.

Please continue to hold me and add your trust to Laura's and my trust of this process. I know will find the best doc and best place for me. Whatever that experience is, it will be part of my path and process. It will bring me exactly what I need.

And, technical note, since I am talking chemo here. The plan that I expect at this point is chemotherapy for about five months. A short break to catch my breath and then I will move onto seven weeks of radiation. I am slowing this process down right now, I have some things I need to get organized and am going to take the time to make good choices. That puts the start of chemo right after Labor Day.

Blessings all,
Amelia

And Then a Step to the Right

Dear Ones,

I hope this finds you well. I've been processing and healing here, quite an undertaking I must say.

The news from the pathology report is back, it is very good and it has brought me to a place of deep grief.

In the axillary dissection, second surgery, Dr. Drogula removed thirteen lymph nodes, all of which were clear of cancer. This is wonderful news, it means that the cancer had not spread beyond the two sentinel nodes. It means that we can have confidence that the -large enough to detect- colonies of cancer cells have been removed from my body surgically. It is good news.

And I am grieving. Grieving the loss of all those healthy, unaffected, simply doing their job, seemingly pretty well, blessed lymph nodes.

This was a possibility that I was certainly aware of, I had considered it and wondered how it would feel. Relief? Sadness? Anger? Gratitude?

All of the above, and so much grief. I am aching from the loss, I have cried a few buckets and then a few more. All opportunities for gratuitous tears have been welcomed and tear up again I may in an hour.

And again, know how clear I am on this, I did the best I could and I don't regret the choice or the outcome. I made absolutely the best choice I could make given what I had to go on. We had just found two extremely active sentinel nodes who were overrun and had cancer cells spilling out of them into the surrounding tissue.

I chose this and I grieve this.

And I am so grateful to my immune system (so much is which lives in my lymphatic system.) This could gave been so much worse and it wasn't. Between the clear PET/CT and these clear thirteen nodes, we know so much. That knowledge will inform further treatment and help me rest at night.

I am grateful. I am relieved. I am not celebrating though.

Dear Ones, I know that I make it hard on you all some days to know how to respond to me. This is another one of those situations, I know it, I can feel it. Shouldn't we simply celebrate Amelia? You may, quietly and privately, I am grateful, yet not celebratory.

And, I am also exhausted and still healing. Two surgeries in two weeks is tough. This second surgery was more extensive and involved a drain and such yukky things. I also had a medi-port installed, so both sides of my upper body are healing. My body is rejecting any pain relief beyond Advil and herbals. I'm not trying to bitch about it. I simply need to honor the stress and challenge and allow that there is more to come.

South River Today

As I write, the South River outside my window is filling with rain, I feel it washing over and through me. I release these tears and sadness and grief into all that water, let it be washed away from me and all who grieve this afternoon.

I trust where I am going to. I trust where I am being guided to. I am so very well taken care of in all things.

Send me peace and rest please. I am not nearly ready to do much more than that for awhile. Sarah will be back from the beach soon, so I may need some driving help there. Laura continues to be my most amazing support, she is taking such good care of me, send her lots of love too!

There are more doctors to see and treatment plans to discuss. I'll keep you all posted as options and plans become clearer.

Back to that rest and peace for me now.

Much love,
Amelia

yes, obscure time warp reference title

Sludge

That is what my brain feels like after two surgeries and two weeks on pain relieving drugs. Woozy sludge to be exact.

And while I don't quite feel up to much yet, later this week is the beginning of Oncology visits. We are trying to find the best choices for traditional care as well as alternative support. You see, medicine is now getting much longer survival rates, so long term side effects of treatment really are a valid concern for me. "Oh wow, you lived long enough to have heart problems," is not an entirely successful outcome in my book. Oh, and you can call me crazy, I want to find all of this near home.

Send Laura and me lots of love. I am hard to deal with when I am ready to move to action on one level, yet physically cannot on another and she is present with both sides of that equation.







Sarah is off playing with Dad and much of the Fab 5 on VA Beach- a perfect place for them all. Fun for Sarah is a relief for me Then will we have three weeks to fill before school starts.

Thanks all for your love and care.
Tomorrow afternoon we hope to hear on the pathology report from surgery. Thursday, naturopathic consult, Friday, oncology consult. Still have a couple of other people to call to talk to- see if we are a good fit.

And I simply get to keep finding my way back to be gentle and loving of self. Loving of all my parts, missing as well as present, "healthy" or not. Woozy or not:-)

Blessings all,
A

~who feels slightly clearer having written a bit