Llamas.. no ALPACAS... oh dear

Dear Ones,

Phalco is a dear and cuddly Alpaca

 

Part of what I have found I need to let go of lately is, using the right word.  For someone who has always communicated pretty well and had a lot of words handy in my brain, this is something of an adjustment.

I've found it quite a challenge over the last couple of weeks.  In the camilid family; which includes camels, llamas and alpacas, I have been most familiar with llamas.  So somehow my neural net goes to the word "llama" when it sees something that is pretty close to a llama.  Like an alpaca.

Laura, Sarah and I have had a great time getting to know some llamas alpacas recently, we even got to shear them last weekend (long story, friend me on Facebook for details,) so I have become quite intimate with ALPACAS.  And alpacas are enough different from llamas that I really can tell the difference.

Sarah and Becky with the boys

So for fun, I will add Alpaca photos to this post, even though it really isn't about Alpacas.  It is about chemo-brain or brain fog.  It is here and it persists.  I have to be really careful with spelling, (bless iPhones) and I have often found myself looking at Laura searching her face and brain for the word that I want to use right now. She is good about providing them, gently, and good about softly correcting me when I am just completely off.

Laura, the alpaca shearing goddess

More than one person has suggested that I hold onto this excuse for awhile, say, the rest of my life, give or take.  The detached and evolved me can certainly laugh about that and say absolutely!  The other part of me that is more judgmental and frustrates easily, simply wants to say a complete sentence with all the right words.  I've been known to get a bit touchy!

My oncologist assured me that they now know that chemo-brain is real. He also told me that just a few years ago they actively denied it.  It's real.  No doubt here.

Cooler and a bit scruffy.

Words have always been fun and easy. I am doing my best to hold this new reality with gentle humor.  I had a client today who asked me a question during a hands on part of her session.  I was able to simply say "I cannot access that part of my brain while I am in deep therapeutic space."  It worked, as she didn't know my history and didn't need anything more than that.

So remember, llamas are bigger than alpacas.  And the alpacas at Becky and Cheryl's are really cute boys who seem to forgive me for calling them llamas. 

And I am grateful that I haven't, as yet, called them camels!

blessed be,
~Amelia
who loves new adventures, and shearing alpacas was a delightful adventure, they really are cute!

Oh and it could be the Tamoxifen too.  Just remembered that.