Thursday, July 28, 2011

On house buying and trust in an alternate universe.

Dear Ones,
1327 Bay Avenue, it is mine now!

A year ago, I got a very clear hit that i needed a change of location. Our home on Great Lake Drive was somehow a drain, not a support. As home and place are so important, this was taking a real toll on our systems and seemingly making everything harder. It was as if there was energetic quicksand beneath the house that we were individually sensitive to and it was really draining to manage that on a day to day basis. I got a lot of guidance from the unseen to figure out what to do and how to do it. I was concerned about selling the house and was assured that a strong grounded guy would be just fine there, so staged the house for "him" and guess what - he and his wife bought it! It will support and serve their life together I am sure.

So, back to me and houses. I really wanted something that was more interesting than much of the housing stock available around Annapolis. I grew up in Rye, NY and spent many years in Connecticut and was truly spoiled by all those old homes filled with character (sometimes that means not a plumb line to be found, I know.)

During March I had found the house on Bay Avenue after looking since last fall. It is in very poor condition, it was built as a very solid summer house, but it needs all new systems, roof, floors, walls..... kitchen, baths... .... ..... yeah, not a project for the faint-hearted. Yet the land, the view of Black Walnut Creek across the street and the view down to the Chesapeake Bay from the yard in the winter, this is sweet. The land is welcoming and solid, it is warm, friendly and just makes me smile as well as Laura, Sarah and everyone else who has visited.

This house was a short-sale... ugh and yet that is how I got such a good price on it. It took months and months and lawyers and holding to an unwavering ethical standard to purchase this house. And it finally came through, and I was able to close on it yesterday. For my birthday.

Now, the questions, the soul searching, the fears were strong right. There are parts of me that think I must be crazy. In fact I was up much of the night before closing in worry, fear and then prayer about what to do.

I am now in such a different position than I was in March, and even a month ago. What looked like "common garden variety" breast cancer with a relatively quick recovery timeline has revealed itself to be an experience of a bit more gravity. Many are able to work successfully, at least part time, during chemo and radiation. Many work for organizations that can provide them with disability or simply help make it work out. I am self employed. I have a very physical career. I use my arms and upper body. I am having surgery and treatments that put me at a very high risk for lymphedema. I am simply not headed back to work in two weeks. 

My take on how I will manage all of this has already been settled.

I am retiring my superwoman cape and slowing down and taking care of myself, I need to do that even more with this new diagnosis. I have proven time and again that I am a very competent, functional woman. I can get stuff done, multitask, create and amaze with the best of them. I also have skills that allow me to settle in and know what my system needs and it needs to stop and take care of me right now. It needs me to shift the paradigm of full speed ahead that has generally been seen as the ideal.

So, where did I come to yesterday morning? You know I bought the house, so I've given that away already. Let me tell you what happened beyond the worry and the fear.

I went to sleep in trust and prayer, asking that what I needed to know be very clear to me as I woke. I asked spirit for a black and white answer - yes or no - buy the house or no? (ok, I also allowed the delay closing option and decide later option.)

Wednesday morning I woke three times before I was fully awake. Each time I woke, I felt calm and trusting, and I heard "no matter what you do Amelia, everything is going to be ok." Laura and I went to the house to visit before the closing. I saw a goldfinch on the way in and a deer visited us when we left. As we drove in I remembered the chicken doorstop, and knew if it was still in the back yard next to the tree where I had left it, all was ok. I burst into tears when I saw that old iron hen.

So that, combined that with a lot of backing down of my plans and prayer, allowed me to decide to go ahead and buy 1327 Bay Avenue in Highland Beach.

My home may end up retaining more of its summer-home, beach shack charm than I had intended. We may not have such a grand kitchen or fancy baths. It may need to remain a two bedroom instead of becoming three and there won't be any second floor observation decks, solar power or other such fancies. And I love Second Chance and am happy to shop for bargains and I trust that my contractors will be able to make the home secure, sound, energy efficient and beautiful on far less than I used to have to spend.

It will be a wonderful celebration, this homecoming, when Bay Avenue is ready to become a home again and we can move in. I suspect I will need to add a birthday cake to the celebration!

old iron hen doorstop
Please sit with me in trust on this, help me know that it will be ok. Continue to hold with me that it doesn't have to be amazing, and no matter what, I want Sarah to have a good solid home to grow into a young woman in, and Bay Avenue feels like it is the answer.

Because the land, the home, the place, that is what truly matters and all of that is already there at 1327.

Now to name her.
Alleluia Cottage
High Mooring
Birdsong
are the current contenders. I'll let you know when she is christened.

much love,

~Amelia
who is off to surgery now, knowing she has a home to come home to someday soon.

And who knows - maybe I can get HGTV's attention and a get a whole house makeover!

Links to many random pics of the house and the neighborhood - https://picasaweb.google.com/NurtureTheEssential/1327BayAvenueHighlandBeach?authuser=0&authkey=Gv1sRgCPW1laTNirq6mAE&feat=directlink

1 comment: